Dear I Want Marriage and Babies,

I meet so many women like you who are not content with their lives. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why. 

Why girl?!!

You all have loving families and great friendships. You all have amazing careers which allow for amazing experiences through helping and empowering others. You all enjoy travel and exploration. You all enjoy food and wine from distant lands. You have God in your hearts and in your homes. So why aren’t you content and happy?

Because you lack marriage and babies?

I think marriage to be a beautiful institution; an institution divine in its makeup. I think the same thing of motherhood. It can only be a God thing to be given the privilege of life nestled in your womb, to birth it and to nurture it.  But I also believe that before we teach any little girl how to be a wife or how to be a great mother that we must first teach her to be successfully single.

Singleness is the most natural and only guaranteed state for our human existence. It is therefore complete. It is therefore no different from marriage in being a “God thing.” And we’ve somehow missed that.

Because we’ve missed it, in their every waking and growing moment we’ve taught little girls to be wives and mothers. We’ve trained them and given them the tools to walk this journey extended, ONLY for the accommodation of the needs and wants of a husband and children. We’ve trained them to see their purposes ONLY in wifehood and motherhood and and in doing so we’ve triggered the thought process that to be single is to lack.

We’ve done our little girls – our women – an injustice of the highest order.

To teach our little girls and women to be successfully single is not to take them away from preparation for marriage. To teach them to be successfully single is to prepare them for every facet of life: singleness, marriage, and sadly, divorce, and widowhood.

You see to be successfully single means to live a life extended; extended not just to a husband and children, but extended to humanity as a whole.

To be successfully single means to find contentment in being kind to the homeless man on the street, in clipping your grandmother’s toenails, in calling in to see if your parents are alright, in reaching out to someone who is hurting, in being curled up on your couch with a good book, and in being able to grow your love for people from divers cultures and walks.  To be successfully single is to walk well in your first and prime purpose: to reflect God’s glory.

I think if we teach these things then more of our girls will grasp an understanding of purpose. I think if we teach these things that we’d have more content women on this earth: single and married. I think if we teach these things then some of my sisters will not feel the sting of failure that often accompanies the inexperience of the joys of marriage. I think if we teach these things more of my sisters would see marriage purposefully as opposed to seeing it as an aid for their completion. I think if we teach these things…

Single and Satisfied

This post is an excerpt from Chadia’s newly released book, Letters to My Sister.



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