I’m Very Prone to Taking Care of A Man & Other Things

5 hours from Saint Lucia to New York, an unplanned 10 days in the Big City after Royal Air Maroc denied me permission to board a flight to Morocco, an 11-hour flight from JFK to Casablanca (when I was actually allowed to travel 10 days later), a 13-hour layover in Morocco before another 4-hour plane ride to my destination and countless other stories not shared here. It’s culmination?

On September 21st, 03:00 GMT-5 I landed at Kotoka International Airport to begin a new chapter in the book that is my life. The airport was virtually empty save the people who accompanied me on the flight from Morocco to Accra, but still, my arrival lit a small spark of hope and expectation. Whatever was about to happen in my life would be far more exciting and activity-filled than the lack-luster, almost quiet scene that I was experiencing.

Today marks exactly 3 months since my arrival, and while some things have measured below expectation, it has most definitely been a defining time.

I am a perpetual student of me, always leaving space for the inevitability of human evolution. Still, I have NEVER learnt so much about myself in such a short space.

Perhaps, it is being thousands of miles away from family and friends without the ability to easily hop on a flight back home. Perhaps, it is that being in Ghana reminds me of a simpler time that I unknowingly missed and under-appreciated. Perhaps I always knew these things about myself and Ghana served as cement for me. I may be unable to pin down the reasons with one musing, but here are seven (7) things that I can assuredly say that I’ve learnt about myself since being here.

My Dream Job Is A Mix of Field Work, Story Telling & Good Money

I’ve been ridiculously restless and seemingly aimless since graduating university in 2013. My journey has been one of sifting through what I believe God desires for me, what the people whom I love and value desire for me, and what I desire for me. The result is that I’ve done a ton of different things; some of which I’ve been successful at, and others which have gifted me with even greater frustration. But I think I am beginning to find clarity. 
 
The nature of my current job has required my presence in the field; rural farms with little connectivity, but some of the most genuine conversations with few words, rough rides in the back of pick up vans and even a few hours taking in gorgeous landscapes on the back of a motorcycle. I have loved every moment of it, and I’ve noted that these have been perhaps the most joyous and healthy moments since my arrival in Ghana; perhaps even the most joyous and healthy moments since I graduated university in 2013. These experiences have also cemented for me that I do not relish a life where I am glued to a desk. I don’t know what the future holds, but the assignment that will see my full commitment and happiness is one that has the perfect mix of fieldwork, story-telling, flexibility, and a comfortable salary. 😃

Money is NOT My Main Driver

I’ve been one of the people who has heard another’s complaints about the stress of an occupation or a sector and responded with, “If the money is right, I’ll do it”. At 28, my song is a different one. There are certain things that you can NEVER pay me enough money to deal with: disrespect, a lack of room for creativity, an environment with little flexibility or an environment which requires me to shrink to adopt a personality that is not mine.

I Am Very Prone to Taking Care of A Man

Surprise, Surprise! Hell, it surprised even me. 
 
I have very egalitarian values.
 
I carry my own shit, buy my own shit, open my own doors, fix my own sinks, and I have always been of the opinion that if I ever were to marry that I did not want to and will not be the one half of the spousal unit who would always be in the kitchen cooking. But since I’ve come here, well that ‘ish can be thrown out the window. Your girl is very prone to taking care of a man: cook his food, plate his food, buy his body wash, kind of take care of a man. With certain conditions, of course. And did I mention that I love cooking?
 
I was thrown into an environment where mens’ posture towards me elicited a particular response. And no long stories, but I found out that if humility is in the mix, there’s not much I don’t do. 
 
 In another post, I will share more widely how I made that discovery.

I Thrive on Order and Structure

My most volatile times in Ghana, the few times where I questioned whether I should be here, were the times when I was expected to thrive in environments with no order or structure. Order and structure make clear for me what my role is and how I am to function. They give me greater control of my time and provide me the knowledge I need so that I can plan to accomplish all of the things which I desire. When this is absent in my space, I am not the best version of myself. It’s not something that I had noted before. I’ve always found myself in situations where I operate on the fly and simply adjust to what is put before me, functioning fairly well. But I am in a phase where I seek to function at the marker of excellence and nothing less. Now that I know what I need to do that, it will make the world of difference in how I go about selecting opportunities, environments and relationships in the future. I need order and structure to be my best self.

I Am NOT A City Girl

There used to be a time where I loved wearing tailored, long-sleeved blouses, tailored blazers, and turtlenecks. Then again, I still love them. But these days, I wear them less often. I no longer have a desire to be in the environments which necessitate them. I hate the cold. I hate the snow. I hate the city. At the core of who I am is a small-town Caribbean girl. At the core of who I am is a woman who loves breathing in air of a particular quality; a woman who loves simplicity and solitude with a little bit of adventure thrown in every now and then. Being in Accra has most definitely been somewhat of a challenge for me and it brought with it an unwanted feeling that I’ve experienced before; a feeling that always comes when I find myself in the city. It is a bundle of anxiety, nerves, and an extreme need to perform and show. I despise it, and I’ve come to know that a happy future will be a permanent base in a quiet, semi-rural or rural area with sporadic, short visits to various cities.

I Love The Water

I can’t swim to save my life — okay maybe I can — but Ghana has cemented for me that I find peace near bodies of water. I don’t need to touch the water or be in it. I just need to be near it. I need to hear the lapping of waves or the gurgling of streams. It soothes me and calms me in ways that nothing else — the gym or a good book — can. With that said, there is waterfront property in my future. Somewhere. Somehow.

I Have A Very Deep Sense of Self and I Am At Peace With Me

Flaws, strengths, gifts, talents, highs and lows, I’ve learnt to appreciate what I bring to the table. I have a very deep understanding of who and what I am, and even better, I am at peace with it. It is of import to note that the peace that I own is not one that will see me stagnant in growth. Instead, it helps me keep a steady head when things that I think I can do better or which I outrightly dislike about myself show up. Being at peace with myself also doesn’t mean that I’m totally inconsiderate of others’ feelings. Having said this, I will be myself before I am anything, and if adjustments need to be made, I gladly make them. This may mean adjusting how I interact with an individual or not interacting with an individual at all.

If nothing else, Ghana has been one big lesson on Chadia: who she is today, who she desires to become, what she wants out of life, and who and what she will and will not allow into her space. I imagine that moving into a new zone, a new district, a new country or a new continent can do the same for anyone. If you’ve recently relocated, drop a comment. Where did you locate to and where from? What surprising thing(s) have you learnt about yourself?